For the last two weeks I’ve been agonizing over a decision. The only reason I have really been thinking about this is that something changed.

I am talking about my dog. She is geriatric but still eats, pees, poops, and sleeps okay. They say a dog will tell you when it’s time. They stop eating and ‘doing Puppy things in the yard’. In short, their quality of life is gone. This is not the case for Moya.

Now there have been others that have been making ‘whispers’ about that it’s her time. And she does have health problems. But I am worried that if I do, I’d been Euthanizing her too soon. I don’t want to do this too soon. I also don’t want to make this decision too late. But am I doing one of these already? Am I putting this off too long? if you had asked me this about a month ago, I would have said it’s too soon. No reason to kill her because she is old. And well, she is pretty much blind.

However, now she is completely blind. Now blind pets can be okay. They know/learn the layout of the house. However I wonder if she also has Dementia as well. She walks into walls. She seems to be completely confused as to where she is. She gets a bit scared and frustrated then just starts crying for help out. Sometimes in a hallway, she just turns from one wall to the other, oblivious to the openings on each side of her.

She also has arthritis in her spine and hip. She has bad knees. I have her on medicine for this. But in her old age she has gotten crafty in finding the pills and shaking them out of her head.Then she has trouble walking because of pain. Now even on the pills she has some pain. (She is on Tramadol)

And the list goes on. Moya also has some anxiety. She has been taking meds for this too.

With all of this, it means I pick her up and carry her out to potty, then carry her back in. She can no longer find her way. Mostly all she can do is eat, sleep, pee/poos, whines, and cries. She is so unhappy.

She does enjoy pettings and treats.

The questions is.. is she telling me it’s time? Or am I being selfish and letting her go on too long? Is it time now. Before she just stops completely. I have not slept well for the past two nights worrying that I’d do this too soon. Would this make me a ghoul for making this decision now. Or that I am selfish and that she needs relief.

What kind of life is this?

Know this, she is my baby. She is the child I can’t ever have. And I have never had a furry-family-memeber this long. Growing up, we moved a lot. So the one time we had a pet ( a cat named Tiger), we found him a new home long before it was time for a decision. I had hoped that if it was time, she’d go peacefully in her sleep, no pain. And I wouldn’t have to make this decision.

I don’t know what to do. Being an adult sucks!

(Update: RIP Moya Kernigan LeFey 08/09/1999 – 11/22/2014)