While at work, last Friday.. I was vigorously chewing gum. When in my rapid chewing, I bit the end of my tongue. I actually drew a bit of blood. All weekend my tongue hurt. I get back to work on Monday and was again really chopping on gum. I yawned and for the first time in my life, my gum fell out of my mouth and on to my keyboard.

What is happening? Is it some weird gum ninja or gum-demon out to exact revenge on me? And for what?? Chewing too rapidly?

I swear.. I am an adult. I can be trusted ..okay maybe not with gum.

I had, some months ago, gone in for a sleep study. And all the while I’ve been hoping and praying that I don’t have apnea. Of all the things that it could cause me to not sleep well, I really just did not want this to be apnea.

Well I go to get my results and guess what? Moderate Sleep Apnea. I actually cried as I drove away from the Doctor’s office. Not only does it mean I have to wear a mask-thing (Ooooooo …sexy!) but I have something else that I can potentially knock over or get tangled up in. (I am just talented that way!)

When the Doctor was giving me the diagnoses, he stumbled and babbled on. He kept saying about how it was really common. How people who get the most from the treatment are those who use the machine. And those who don’t, will just continue to have issues. He said “You can lead a horse to water….” and gestures at me. Does that mean he just called me a horse???? Finally he looked at me and said “Honestly.. you are not giving me anything here. Just blank stares.” I explained to him that I didn’t want it to be apnea and was just sad that it was. He then said “Well you don’t have the most dangerous type. And it’s not cancer..you won’t die from this!”

Doctors.. can’t legally slap them.. can’t… legally slap them.

– The Head Duckie