For anyone that knows me, they know I hate Valentine’s Day. Yes.. I am one of those sad-sack singles out there. But this is not why I hate Valentine’s day. (okay.. it’s part of the reason). My dislike of the day began back in Elementary school. Back then, you had to give a Valentine to everyone in your class. And this would include people who didn’t get along. So, in 3rd or 4th grade, I received a Valentine from a little girl who did not like me. I know this because she wrote “Happy Valentine’s Day, I hate you.” Thing never got any better from there.
Another reason is all the pink and red crap. Sheesh! It’s as if Pepto Bismal and Blood have been sprayed liberally around every place on the Planet! Enough!!! And all those hearts.. that’s not even the real shape of a heart! But I suppose no one would feel like eating candy if they used a realistic heart. Unless you’re a cannibal. Or.. a Zombie. Do Zombies like to eat hearts? If they did, they could be like “Eat your heart out Bob! Oh wait!.. I’m eating it instead! For real! Hahahahaha.. poor Bob!”
But I digress. Or was that the point I was making.. realistic looking hearts are gross and would make you spew your chocolate??
Wait.. hmmm… no..
Ah! I got it. So all those pink/red heart shapes out there…everywhere.. solid ones. Lacy ones…etc… It’s annoying. And they start making an appearance in shops, oh.. about a week or two before Christmas! It sucks! Hey people of the world!! Too many lacy hearts are depressing! And ugly!
With all that red and pink… visiting Aliens will think that we have been running around, savagely ripping out internal organs. And leaving blood and gore covering everything. Ooo, but now that I think of it… they won’t wanna mess with us! They will be flying along… stop in to see the ape planet. Then seeing all that red and pink.. fly away in terror! One Alien will say to the other “Holy crap, Blerb!! Did you see that horror show of a Planet down there?? What the hell happened with those ape people??” And Blerb will say “I know, Cleep! Those ape people are bat-shit crazy! We need to go warn our peeps! We…are..outta here!”
And then Blerb and Cleep will hit the hyper-light drive pedals in complete fear!
So, maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t too bad. It will keep us from being invaded by Aliens!
Or was that Zombies!? Or both?! I need some chocolate and think this over.
So… was eating Chocolate my point? I don’t remember. But now I want Chocolate….
One thought on “What was my point again?”
That was hilarious. And though I commiserate with you for receiving such an aggressively negative card in the 3rd grade, I think that from now on “Happy Valentine’s Day. I hate you.” will be the only sentiment I ever scribble on the inside of a greeting card.