Hi kids, it’s me. I wanted to spend time here discussing my thoughts on the ‘E’ word. No, not that one! Oh my god! Why would you even think that? Guys, you just made this weird and creepy.

Anyway, I was referring to ‘Exercise’. Yes, even the word can make people cringe. And I am including myself in that ‘people’. Once, years ago, I was asked the following when a I was trying to join a gym:

“You know that feeling of energy and exhilaration you get when you exercise?” And I said “No”. She looked really disappointed and confused. I wasn’t trying to be rude or a smart ass, I just genuinely have never felt those things during exercise. In fact it’s kind of the opposite of those things.

Many people may consider me lazy. I don’t exercise. I’ve tried, off and on. But I don’t like the feelings it gives me. As a small child, I was scrawny. Until I started into puberty. The weight started on and kept staying on. Oh I played outside with friends, sure. But I kept gaining weight. And I’ve been fighting it ever since.

The feelings exercise gives me is…swollen. I feel like my hands don’t close properly because of swelling. There is a quick and total loss of energy. Moments after I start, I can actually feel this total drain that leaves me feeling like I’m dragging a huge weight. And after I have forced myself to do this, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and hide. (after I shower, of course)

I briefly had a personal trainer and he suggested protein. Before the work out to give me energy and afterwards to help keep me from being sore. It did not do either. I could not keep up the energy levels and I was still sore after.

Now, I know you must be thinking “Duckie, it’s because you are so large that you lack energy. That is why you feel the drain.” Well that is where I would disagree with you. Remember be telling you I was a scrawny child?! Well even then I felt that drain on my energy. I would start to run off with my friends and suddenly…the drain.

So I was thinking that maybe it’s medical. I know exercise releases chemicals or enzymes in your body/brain. But what if it’s not releasing in me? Or maybe just not enough is being released? Maybe then it would make sense. Why it energizes some people but not me.

Now what if I’m not the only one out there. What if the people that are considered just lazy, actually have a medical condition where the appropriate chemicals or enzymes are lacking..or not present at all?! Would there be a way to test this? Would there be a way to treat this? (yes, I do take vitamins..including the B ones)

Maybe, your head Duckie is not lazy. Perhaps, just perhaps… she needs medical care.

What do you think?

-The Head Duckie

Okay, I had not realized that so much time had past. I would have done something.. I would have… oh who am I kidding!

Every time I thought of something really good to post, I was away from phone, paper, computer. Then I’d forget it. Then I’d be embarrassed that I forgot what I wanted to write about.

Please tell me I am not the only one that has this bad of a memory! Then tell me I’m cute….give me puppies, and kitties, and yummy foods!

(please do not gruff at my bad grammar!!!)

I wish I could say that I was off living this ultra exciting life. Being a super Spy, fighting space Aliens, winning awards for Art/Film/TV/Music., seeing the World!

But in reality, I’ve been having car troubles. Dealing with work stuff. And binging waaaaaaaaay too much Netflix and Hulu!

(also, my ever present battles with the laundry! ) And if you are one of those sickos that can wash/dry all the laundry and have it all put away in a matter of hours then..

what the hell, Y’all?! You probably have a house that is so clean.. Hazmat people are super impressed with you. Germs quake in your presence… you.. are not human! Not that I’m judging your and your hermetically sealed house! Well, okay.. I guess I am judging a little. But please! How can any house look like someone lives there if it’s so spotless. You probably have all white furnishings and no clutter!! Tragic! You need to slap some color on that house, throw a few papers around, and leave a sock or two on the floor next to the clothes hamper.

I myself wash/dry my clothes, then pile them all on a chair. I can find what I need and Hey! The clothes are next to the closet so… I feel that this is truly close enough.

Wait, how did this become about laundry and house cleaning?!?!? I don’t even remember what I was talking about at the beginning of this post.

All I know is that it’s almost Christmas. I have my shopping done despite all the overtime I’ve worked.

I’m closing this post because I have to go pee. I hope you have a great holiday. If you are into that sort of thing. If not.. have a great Monday!!

– The Head Duckie

Okay, I was tired earlier today. I worked today, went to physical therapy. I washed a load of laundry, dusted and vacuumed.

I went to bed at about 10:30. The bad part is I woke at 12:30am. It’s currently 2:21 am and I have not been back to sleep. I tried! Honestly, I did! But I just can’t get back to sleep. I read for a while, tossed and turned. To no avail.

This has only led me to where I am now. Watching Addams Family tv show on Hulu with a mounting headache! 

Btw: the alarm clock goes off in about 2 hrs!

Work will be fun?!

– The Head Duckie 

Why? Why does this type of thing only seem to happen to me? Well, me and people in sitcoms.

I’m having my annual physical for insurance at work. And my Doctor orders a ua. I get my little cup and wipey, head into the bathroom. 

Once there, I see a narrow toilet/seat. With my thighs…not going to be able to position my hand the normal way. So I squat/hover. And pee. I didn’t really have to go so I’m surprised by the amount of pee I actually got. I put the cup in the slot for Lab folks. Then I realize that the excess did not go into the toilet. I was back far enough for it to have gone in. 

Yup, you guessed it. (Can you stop getting ahead of me?!?!) the excess had gone down the back of my pants. Not just a few drops. I could have filled the cup all the way instead of half way.

So here I am, in a bathroom..at a clinic…washing the back of my pants in the sink. Lucky that it’s a one hole-er (as we say in my family). And they do have another bathroom, so I’m not making loads of people wait on me. 

But now I’m faced with another problem. How do I dry my pants? There is no hand dryer. Just paper towels. I think I used half the dispenser to at least get the excess water off my pants. It’s lucky that I’m closer to a side door than the main doors. I won’t have to walk out in front of everyone to leave.

But my question still stands. Why do these sitcom situations happen to me?!?!

Okay, so what gives on the clothing makers? I’m talking about the sizing. Or the weird produced sizing.

Now, I understand that from one clothing maker to another… sizes can vary. What one considers as a size 12 is different than another.

I have already read that they use people as a sizing guide.  Even though one person in that size is shaped differently than other. This can be a big reason to try stuff on before buying it.

What I don’t understand is why if you buy one item from a label, and buy another in the exact same size (just different color) by the same label, should there be any reason one color will fit lose/snug than the other one.

Yeah, I know… that sentence really went off the rails. But it almost makes sense. If you maybe squint one eye? Or turn your head? No? Hrmmmmm.. let me talk this out then.

I have long been wary of buying certain color shirts. This is because they are smaller than others. For example, white shirts are way smaller than say.. I blue shirt. And it’s the exactly same:

Size

Maker

Bought at the same time

So…. why??

I mean, if you can trust the Brand to be consistent within their own product, then why should I trust them to make a good, long lasting item?

And what prevents them from producing the sizing consistently for different colors? It should not be hard.. and yet.. I stay away from white shirts. Okay… I also must admit that I am an expert at spilling things down the front of me. I am so good that I have considered drawing lines around them with a Sharpie and trying to pretend that it’s a design.

“No, I know it looks like pasta sauce and chocolate smudges.. but that I what I believe the designer was going for!”

( : : crickets : : )

“It’s the new ‘Shabby-Chic’??”

( : : silence : : )

Okay.. well…. I will show myself out.. stage right.

But in closing… Hey designers??? Get your crap together! Label the smaller colors and Mini-Me size!

– The Head Duckie

 

For anyone that knows me, they know I hate Valentine’s Day. Yes.. I am one of those sad-sack singles out there. But this is not why I hate Valentine’s day. (okay.. it’s part of the reason). My dislike of the day began back in Elementary school. Back then, you had to give a Valentine to everyone in your class. And this would include people who didn’t get along. So, in 3rd or 4th grade, I received a Valentine from a little girl who did not like me. I know this because she wrote “Happy Valentine’s Day, I hate you.” Thing never got any better from there.

Another reason is all the pink and red crap. Sheesh! It’s as if Pepto Bismal and Blood have been sprayed liberally around every place on the Planet! Enough!!! And all those hearts.. that’s not even the real shape of a heart! But I suppose no one would feel like eating candy if they used a realistic heart. Unless you’re a cannibal. Or.. a Zombie. Do Zombies like to eat hearts? If they did, they could be like “Eat your heart out Bob! Oh wait!.. I’m eating it instead! For real! Hahahahaha.. poor Bob!”

But I digress. Or was that the point I was making.. realistic looking hearts are gross and would make you spew your chocolate??

Wait.. hmmm… no..

Ah! I got it. So all those pink/red heart shapes out there…everywhere.. solid ones. Lacy ones…etc… It’s annoying. And they start making an appearance in shops, oh.. about a week or two before Christmas! It sucks! Hey people of the world!! Too many lacy hearts are depressing! And ugly!

With all that red and pink… visiting Aliens will think that we have been running around, savagely ripping out internal organs. And leaving blood and gore covering everything. Ooo, but now that I think of it… they won’t wanna mess with us! They will be flying along… stop in to see the ape planet. Then seeing all that red and pink.. fly away in terror! One Alien will say to the other “Holy crap, Blerb!! Did you see that horror show of a Planet down there?? What the hell happened with those ape people??”  And Blerb will say “I know, Cleep! Those ape people are bat-shit crazy! We need to go warn our peeps! We…are..outta here!”

And then Blerb and Cleep will hit the hyper-light drive pedals in complete fear!

So, maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t too bad. It will keep us from being invaded by Aliens!

Or was that Zombies!? Or both?! I need some chocolate and think this over.

So… was eating Chocolate my point? I don’t remember. But now I want Chocolate….

Okay, I know! It’s been a long time since I posted. I started one on NYE.. but I stopped to drink, watch fireworks, then watch a horror film. Sorry.. getting tipsy won out. Plus, I looked at the screen and thought “Whut r werds?”
I did want to pop in and ask Y’all to do me a favor. Please, please, please…. Do not walk around at night, in black clothes.

Seriously, what is wrong with these folks?! Do they have a death wish?! I don’t wish them ill nor am I trying to insult people. But c’mon on!!!!
You go out jogging/walking, to better yourself. To be healthy.. good on you! Well done! Go you! Buy please just have the kindness and good sense to wear light clothes! Put some reflectors on your clothes..carry a flashlight… something!!!
It’s not asking too much to stop making it easy for us drivers to run your ass over!

It just seems like self preservation would kick in and you’d want to be noticed for drivers to avoid you. Now, I know I am not much into exercise. If you ever saw me, you’d say I’m obviously not into any sort of movement. And that I have no place to make a comment. Now, I believe that it’s up to good ol’ Ma Nature in regards to your survival. But I do not have any wish to be arrested for involuntary man-slaughter! Please don’t create the situation that this would happen. I’m not built for prison life. #wimp #coward

In short, please just try to be seen out there. We all love Monty Python’s ‘How not to be seen.’ segment.. but that is not a good guide for night-time jogging. Just wear some ‘loud’ clothes and you will be safe enough. Well… at least from my driving..

– The Head Duckie

From working for Corporations for years, I have a solution here.

See, Companies have moved from employees getting offices to everyone sitting side by side in one big room. In fact, they do their best to cram as many people in. And I do understand the original thinking here. Bring people face to face. To encourage people to work together. To increase productivity.

However….what happens is that people get annoyed with each other. Bad feelings, anger, petty bickering. Things like this happen:

Smells: this can be for some who feel that there is no such thing as too much of their favorite scent. Still others feel that the first group should not marinate overnight in their perfume. Also, food smells can be offending too. In the office life, there are those who like to torment. And this means that if there is a smell you don’t like or makes you nauseous, they will do their best to surround you with it. And then laugh.

Sounds: some people need to be able to concentrate. While others will sing, dance, clap hands, snap their fingers, yell out to call attention to themselves. Even if you use headphones, you can hear these people over the headphones.  Others need interactions with people, they need to sing and dance around. It helps them focus.

With all this assault of sight, sounds and smells..it can actually slow productivity. 

People need a place to just go. To do what they have to do to focus and work.

What I’m really saying is…where’s my damn office?!?!

– The Head Ducky 

Wow! Has it really been that long since I last posted?? Sheesh! Life does seem to get in the way at times.
It’s insane at what this year has brought. So much death and the political scene makes my head hurt. It has just really sucked hot lava rocks!
Well.. let’s dive into the weirdness called life:

The first and foremost thing that happened that stays on my mind every day is that my Mom died. She died on April 11th of this year. I knew that as she was older that one day she’d be gone. And with her health being on and off..iffy. It was a matter of time. But still, there is no way to prepare yourself. I some how thought that she’d out live us all. She had survived so much.
She lived through strokes, surgeries, a brain aneursym, etc.. it just seemed like she was too stubborn to leave us. Setting aside the sadness and the whole that now exists, there is so much anger within me. Not at her, but at the hospital. I think someone there majorly frakked up.
She went in with vomiting. That was on a Thursday. It moved from that to she had an infection. Then a major infection. Then she didn’t really know what was going on around her. She tried to remove the wires, and ivs. They upped her antibiotics. Next thing we were told that the infection was systemic. That with the emphezema, she only had about a 1/4th of one lung working. Then.. we had to let her go.
What pisses me off is that we did not know she had emphezema. The Doctor said she seems to have had it for a long while. However she had had her lungs/breathing checked many times over the years. Yet no one bothered to mention this??? No. Just… no. I want to know who missed this or didn’t think it was important enough to mention it.
My apologies.. I know this is a bummer of a subject. I will move on..

On a lighter note.. I got a cat! He is a rescue, 8 yrs old and named Fezzik. Yes.. he is named after the character from The Princess Bride. He is a big kitty, very sweet and freakishly strong! He can push open french doors and he stands on his hind legs and tried to turn door knobs!

Let’s see, what else can I bash in here on this post…

Oh yeah! I’m getting some new furniture! Two new sofas! It’s weird when they name furniture. And my new pieces are named after places in Scotland! I ordered the Inverness and the Aberdeen! I was going to get the Glasgow but it won’t fit in the space. So I went with the Inverness. I am not sure why this place has so many city named furniture. But I suppose it’s better to say you just want to snuggle on the Aberdeen than you want to snuggle on the Bob. That might give people the wrong idea about you! ( Person 1: “Hey, what are you going to do this weekend? Party?” Person 2: “Naaaaahh. I’m just gonna snuggle on the Steve and Netfix!” )

Wait.. just to mess with people I think I will re-name the sofas. To Steve and Joe.
(insert evil giggle)
This might be fun…

– The Head Ducky

Okay, for those who don’t know me… I hate Valentine’s Day. I mean really, really don’t like it. I used to have an anti-Valentine’s Day arm band. It started as a child, in elementary school. When everyone had to hand out Valentine’s Day cards to their classmates. One year, this little girl gave me one that said ‘I hate you’ on it. Things never got any better. In the years following there was a lot of unrequited feelings going on. Into adulthood,  any man I ever dated made sure they had dumped me before Christmas, my birthday and Valentine’s Day.  

So each year, I just can’t bear all those pink and red hearts that are Everywhere! It all just raises my bp, increases my anxiety and makes me all stabby. 

This day has been filled with leftover pizza, horror shows, and a shit ton of laundry. 

Screw you, Valentine’s Day!

Btw: if you were looking for a heartwarming ending that had me finding true love…you came to the wrong blog, my friend.

– The Head Duckie