Okay, I am going to post something different here. This is the first time I have finished something like this and I have surprised myself in that. So, here I am…cup of coffee at the ready and the movie Serinity playing in the background:

She didn’t notice at first. She rarely looked out her windows. She’d only have to look out the window at the right time to have known. See, she didn’t leave the house. Why should she? In this day and age, you can have everything delivered. Groceries, medicines, alcohol. Something breaks, call a repair service technician. There are even services that allow for a Doctor consult over the internet. Why leave your home?

She and others like her have that inner voice. The one that tells you to stay in. Too many crowds out there. Parking is an endless amount of going round and round looking for a spot. Too dangerous to walk to and from the car. You could be mugged, beaten, assaulted. No..much safer to stay home. And you’ll never have to worry about being too hot, cold, wet, dry. Home, you never need to leave.

She might look out her windows once a week. Hard to see the changes. Less and less people out and about. Just a bit more trash out on the streets. ‘Now why hasn’t the home owners association done something about this yet!? I’ll have to send them an e-mail.’ she thought. In fact, you wouldn’t notice anything different…..until the utilities stopped working.

For those with agoraphobia, severe anxiety, depression..the kind that leaves you housebound, the sounds of the outside world would only increase the fear of leaving. Fear from the sounds of accidents, fires, groups pounding on a neighbor’s door. She also wouldn’t know not the let the sounds of her day to day life carry outside her walls. Would the sound of her washing machine or dish washer attract attention? Her bedroom and family room were interior, sounds of her TV streaming programs would not be heard. If this had been heard or if she had gone outside, she’d have known to be very frightened. That any device of hers could lead to her being discovered. She was only annoyed when the trash wasn’t picked up. She had a standing agreement with her neighbors. She would fill up her trash bin, open the garage door, roll it just outside. Then sometime after she had closed the garage door, they would roll it to the curb. But even being that close to going outside caused her to have to go lay down. It was too close to being ‘unsafe’.

When the electricity went out and the water turned off, that caught her attention, for others this would be an inconvenience. But she needed everything to work for her to survive. She didn’t have the luxury of inconvenience. She was momentarily caught off guard by this. She angrily picked up he phone to call customer service, only to find the phones didn’t work. She dialed on her cell phone, but no answer. Or a busy signal. But soon her cell didn’t work either. ‘What was happening?’ she thought. She dug around in the garage for her old radio/cassette player. Then it took her another 4 hours to find some batteries for it. “Wow, this is old school.” she smiled as she said this. She searched the stations on the radio for one broadcasting.  Mostly there was static, few sending out the Emergency broadcast signal. And that was just telling people to stay indoors. Well that wasn’t helpful, she was always indoors. Maybe there would be further updates later. It was time to go really old school. She lit some candles and grabbed a book. There were so many that had built up over months and it looks like now there was some time to get reading.

She didn’t use her MP3 player, she just felt she should save it for another time. She cooked and ate the meats, vegetables and fruits first. She had packed them in the freezer figuring they would last longer with the ice. She’d leave the canned and dry goods for later. After all, she didn’t know how long this ‘Emergency ‘ would go on. Agoraphobia is a funny thing. You spend such a large amount of time away from people. It allows you to become accustomed to solitude. With this, you never notice a loss of people around you. Especially a slow loss. ‘Inside life’ almost prepares you for a new different kind of life. While solitude and quiet makes most people jumpy and afraid, people with a mental illness are more accustomed to it. Sometimes a chat with one or two people is okay. But large groups…terror!

After about a week and half, she used her MP3 player. But it stopped working when the charge ran out. Before her cell stopped, she tried to call to have groceries delivered. But the phone died while listening to a recording saying all the lines are down. So, without her delivery, she would run out of food very quickly. Even rationing would not last her long. She felt a growing sense of dread and nausea just thinking about having to leave the house for food. This brought on one of her panic attacks. As she laid down, her chest tightened, her breathing became rapid and her heartbeat increased. Deep down she knew that soon she would not have a choice. She would have to go look for food and water. If anything, she would finally find out what was going on. That day came all too soon.

When that day came, she opened her front door and just stood there trying to prepare herself to cross the threshold. ‘Deep breaths..’ she thought. She closed her eyes trying to build up the courage to walk out the door. One foot in front of the other is how she shakily walked out, down the steps and out to the front yard. She stopped for a moment as she got dizzy. The world around her swam in and out of focus. She squated, tucking her head down for a moment. Forcing her vision to clear..to focus. She stood up, taking a look around her. The neighborhood was so quiet. So deserted. But it was during the day so people were probably just at work, the kids at school. Still.. no dogs barking, no birds singing…nothing. Quiet is nice, but this was disturbing. She walked slowly to the sidewalk. She looked to the right. “Jesus!” she exclaimed. About two houses down,  in the middle of the street, there were cars smashed together. Another had been driven into one of the houses. ‘What the hell…’ she thought. What ever it was that caused this must have happened some time ago. No smoke from the cars but they looked burned. Also no people milling about. Where were the cops? It’s like it happened and everyone instantly vanished. Why didn’t a tow truck or truck with a flatbed come and haul away the wreckage? This was by far the strangest thing since all this started. Now, with more fear and panic, she turned to look to the opposite direction. Not knowing what would be there. And….nothing. At first. Then she saw old Mrs. Tinsley shuffling down the road about 4 houses down. Geez, the Woman never walked that well to begin with, but now she really seems to be having issues. ‘Maybe she was injured in that car accident. Yeah, and no one took her to the hospital!? Sure, that happens!’ She starts walking after her, thinking ‘maybe I can help, not sure what I can do for Mrs. Tinsley, but I can’t just leave her there alone.’ She quickens her pace to catch up to Mrs. Tinsley. She calls out “Mrs. Tinsley? Are you okay? Do you need some help?” The old lady stops and stands there for a moment. ‘I think I confused her. Poor thing.’ That was when Mrs. Tinsley turned towards her. “Oh God! Oh Jesus! What happened to you?” she screamed. There were deep gashes, blood and bone sticking out from her face. And Mrs. Tinsley’s skin was mottled in color, hanging off in places. But it made no sense, how was still moving if she was rotting? She skidded to a halt steps away from the old lady thing. She backward ran away as the old lady gnash her teeth and reached out for her. When she turned to run forward, she still had her head around to look over her shoulder. Looking at that nightmare old woman staggering towards her. She got about half a block when it happened. She was so focused on getting away from Mrs. Tinsley, that she never saw the others. So she ran right into a crowd of about 10 of them. They had heard her scream and came to the street towards the sound. When she collided with a couple of them, they tumbled to the ground. She was surrounded and it only took a couple of ticks of a clock for her to realize it. She managed to get to her feet, screaming as they grabbed at her. Trying to hold her, trying to bite her. Her mind was reeling as she struggled to break free. She was almost free of them when one of them grabbed her harder than she thought possible. It jerked her back to them, she then heard screams that she didn’t think could have come out of them. She was right. It was her screams as they ate her.

Society today is almost geared for those with anxiety, fear and agoraphobia. But will they be better able to cope with an apocalypse or will they be least able to survive?

-THD

Please disregard any typos, grammatical errors. It’s 2 am.

Okay, it has been far too long since I’ve posted. I won’t make excuses because of..reasons. So here are some observations from the past few months:

October: Usually Halloween is one of my favorite times. I decorated, planned out what would go where. My usual night is me in the driveway passing out candy. And boy am I in my element! I love to react to the costumes the kids are wearing. Complimenting older ones on something they have on, and talking to the little ones about liking the same superhero.

This year though, I was sick. This was only the second time in about 10 yrs that I was not out there. 

November: Once I got off work the day before Thanksgiving, I headed to my Parents house. I walked in that night and my Mom had the stomach flu. So, it was an unconventional Turkey day. The rest of the family never came over, so eating was my Dad and me. 

December: Before going into Christmas days activities, please allow me to go on a rant here:

When giving gifts, please to follow these guidelines: 

1) give the person something they will like. 

Too often I’ve been given things that the giver wanted. Instead of just buying it for themselves, they give it to someone else. And unless these two people have the exact same taste in everything, the gift will be something they can’t use.

2) While interacting with people though out the year, find out what family and friends like.

3) find out if they already have the item you’re planning on buying. It can be awkward if a person ends up with multiples of the same thing.

4) on all of the above: No matter what you receive, be thankful and gracious. Find a way to use an item you were given. Even if it’s not the way the giver would have thought of.

Okay, all that aside my Christmas Day was really fun. Up late for gift exchanges with the Parents. Later my Sister and her family come over. We exchanged more gifts and ate. Then we played Card Against Humanity. It was my first time playing even though I had the deck for quite some time with out opening it.

This was a highlight!! My Sister would start laughing before even the black card was read out. She kept coughing because she was laughing so hard! And I learned that the rest of my family is as warped and twisted as I am!

I will need the expansion packs!

So this brings me to now. I’ve gone from blonde to hair that is the color of toaster cinnamon. I can only hope to make more changes this next year. Join me, let’s sculpt a new, creative life next year. We can meet back here December 26th and compare notes!

– The Head Duckie

While at work, last Friday.. I was vigorously chewing gum. When in my rapid chewing, I bit the end of my tongue. I actually drew a bit of blood. All weekend my tongue hurt. I get back to work on Monday and was again really chopping on gum. I yawned and for the first time in my life, my gum fell out of my mouth and on to my keyboard.

What is happening? Is it some weird gum ninja or gum-demon out to exact revenge on me? And for what?? Chewing too rapidly?

I swear.. I am an adult. I can be trusted ..okay maybe not with gum.

I had, some months ago, gone in for a sleep study. And all the while I’ve been hoping and praying that I don’t have apnea. Of all the things that it could cause me to not sleep well, I really just did not want this to be apnea.

Well I go to get my results and guess what? Moderate Sleep Apnea. I actually cried as I drove away from the Doctor’s office. Not only does it mean I have to wear a mask-thing (Ooooooo …sexy!) but I have something else that I can potentially knock over or get tangled up in. (I am just talented that way!)

When the Doctor was giving me the diagnoses, he stumbled and babbled on. He kept saying about how it was really common. How people who get the most from the treatment are those who use the machine. And those who don’t, will just continue to have issues. He said “You can lead a horse to water….” and gestures at me. Does that mean he just called me a horse???? Finally he looked at me and said “Honestly.. you are not giving me anything here. Just blank stares.” I explained to him that I didn’t want it to be apnea and was just sad that it was. He then said “Well you don’t have the most dangerous type. And it’s not cancer..you won’t die from this!”

Doctors.. can’t legally slap them.. can’t… legally slap them.

– The Head Duckie

Okay, there is no way to be delicate about this subject. It’s a touchy one that has many people with strongly held beliefs.

What I am talking about is ‘bathroom etiquette’. Yup, poop and pee! There is such a lack of consideration here. I ask you, when you leave the bathroom, should there be paper towels all over the floor? Pee sprinkles on the toilet seat? Poop lines/spots?

NOOOOOOOOOO! And yet, people defend their right to do these things. Sometime, I marvel at the talent of some people on their ability to ‘decorate’ as they do.

I know for the Women’s restroom, many ‘hover and go’. But why? It’s because they don’t want to get anyone else’s waste on them. Try and think on how this happens. It happens when people ‘hover’ (another name for swinging circles above the potty!) and don’t clean up after themselves. Can we say ‘Self fulfilling’? Yup, I knew you could! You are the very cause of what you are trying to avoid!

Folks, if everyone sat down.. this would not be a problem. Remember…your asses are not sacred!

Oh and guys? If your Woman says she doesn’t fart, and she excuses herself to the bathroom a lot, she is farting! Or she has gastric issues. My point is, yes Woman are delicate.. but we are Human. And Humans are weird! Trust me on this. I am a Woman, I use the Women’s restroom. It’s one of the most ‘musical’ places in all the land!

Now, let’s move on to one last little issue. It’s for all us short gals! After you use the sink, please wipe up any spatters/sprinkles/puddles of water. We short gals can’t avoid them. Then we walk out of the restroom looking like we are lactating! (not a professional look for the office!)

In short… please be tidy! Our clothes and hygiene depend on that.

• The Head Duckie

Okay, we have all heard the jokes about Blondes. I must admit that, I am one of them. And I will  admit to being rather naive, and absent-minded. But I have recently risen to a whole new, astounding level! (Yay me?!)
It has been quite a while since I did any regular exercise. So I got it into my little blonde heart that I would do a bit of light jogging. Now it’s the middle of summer and it is staggeringly hot outside. It would seem to be a better idea to do this ‘workout’ thing inside.
So I began to walk about then picked up to fake jogging (the ball of my feet didn’t leave the floor) to a light jog.  These things I did at home, at work, at the printer/scanner, in front of the TV. Good on me, eh? Well.. no.
You know how it’s advised that you should not start an exercise routine without first consulting your Doctor? Well, please believe me that this is a really good idea.
In my rush to workout, I somehow managed to fracture two bones in my left foot. (again..Yay me?!)
I mean, how does one even go about doing that? I wasn’t doing the high-jump in the Olympics! But I did manage it. And the Doctor I sent to even used his Dad voice on me. “When you come back to get the boot off your foot, we are going to have a talk about what you can do safely without hurting yourself!”
Yeah, so… please be careful out there. Exercise is dangerous to your health!!
Well.. mine at least.

– The Head Duckie

Okay, we have all read the stories of people rescuing an animal that they’ve seen. (side of the road, parking lots, roaming the neighborhood). 

Since the loss of my dog Moya, I have been rather sensitive on the issue of loose animals. I have seen dogs loose and running around. If they are in front of a house..I just think they belong there but getting some exercise. 

Let me give you a couple of examples of what happens when I try this:

It was around the Holidays last year. I was helping my Parents to go through the Christmas decorations and put some up. I noticed this medium size dog running around the houses. It had a collar and I had never seen this dog before so I tried to get near it. It barked at me and ran a ways a away. Then turned and barked again. I kept trying to get near it and keep it from the road. It ran, turned and barked. This went on for a bit. I finally went back to the decorations. At one point something fell and that dog had been laying at the corner of the house. It jumped up and barked. Then ran off along the ditch toward the road at the back of the house. I never saw the dog again. I don’t know if he made it to the other side road to the wooded area. Or if he circled about along the road to get home. Or if really bad things happened to him. I still worry.

Today, I was on my way to pick up some take away for dinner. On a road with construction, I see a skinny dog on the side..he has a collar. I circle around to go back. When I pull over, he runs off, back through an opening in the fence to a wooded area. He stops, looks at me. I whistle and make smoochy sounds. He run away to the wooded area and disappears. So I try to back up. Car won’t move. It’s stuck in the mud. The driver side is sunk in up to the bumper. I think if I get out and get something under a tire, I can get some traction. As soon as I stepped out, I sank into the mud. I got back in the car. It took a nice guy with a tow strap and a truck to haul my car out. 

Now all I have is a muddied car, mud caked shoes, and car mat ruined. And that poor dog is still out there somewhere.

When it comes to rescue… I am useless.

– The Head Ducky

This post won’t be a funny one. It is serious and I mean only to help you or someone you love.

This is a subject that I hope can help others. There is a condition that many have and don’t even know it. It’s called Lymphedema.

Now many experience some swelling here and there. They may even take a water pill for this. And if that helps them then great! However, Lymphedema swelling is very different.

Let’s get some background on what this is.:

In the Human body, fluid (not just blood) flows through it. In this case lymphatic fluid flows down through the extremities and back. With Lymphedema the fluid that flows into the extremities doesn’t all flow back out as it should. It gets trapped and builds. Hense the swelling. This can be due to reasons like Cancer or an injury. There are some cases of Lymphedema running in families. Now if fluid stays too long bad things can happen. Bacteria builds in the fluid and can turn a simple scratch, cut or insect bite into a major infection. This can lead to amputations and even death.

Yeah, all that from swelling. There are some sad truths to know about this condition. There are not that many Doctors that are trained to recognize or treat this condition. So there are many that are going untreated or undiagnosed. And as many Doctors aren’t equipped with the training for this, so many are not being treated accurately. For example some people are given water pills to remove the swelling. Unfortunately, this is one of the worse things you can do with Lymphedema. And only some research is being done to help. (A lot of the research that is being done as part of Cancer research.) But thus far compression is the only real treatment given to us. That’s stockings,wrapping your swelled appendages with a series of special bandages and/or a pump machine. Compression has been used for for so long and it is considered to be the gold standard for treatment. But we need something better. Now, Insurance companies can vary when it comes to treatment but many won’t even pay for the stockings. That is management equipment, and that can run from $60 to over $300. Which the patient has to pay for.

So let’s recap: A condition that many Doctors aren’t trained for, that Insurance companies won’t pay for basic equipment for, and that can lead to limb amputation or death.

You may be asking yourself what is all this to me. Well, I have Lymphedema. It was as a result of a blood clot in my right thigh. (The Doctor I had back then misdiagnosed that too) And it took about 7 years of redness in my leg and swelling that was so tight and painful that it felt like my leg was going to split open, to get me to a Doctor that helped.

I have another link to this condition. My Sister has it. Only she was born with hers. It escalated in her about 4 yrs ago with some sore on her leg. Infection set in and things got…bad. The Doctors did not know how to help her. They considered amputation of her lower leg to stop the spread of infection. Finally one Doctor sent her to a wound care specialist. He knew immediately what to do. It saved her leg and her life.

So I ask this, if you or a family member has swelling of a body part, please see a wound care specialist before you take a water pill. If it’s just a bit of swelling then Yay! But if not, it may just be Lymphedema. The earlier they can catch it the better. So you don’t go through years of pain or go through what my Sister did.

Under this cup is something horrible. I’m not ready to deal with it but I didn’t want it to crawl under the sofa. Welp!

If you’re wondering what the something is…it’s a scorpion. It was crawling towards where my feet were. It’s like if I step on it, part of it will be on me forever. And it will get me.

#insectfear #sillyhoomanfears

How long until it dies on its own under the cup? #askingfora #whodoIthinkIamkidding #askingforme

I know this isn’t much of a post and one is long overdue, I promise a real one is coming. Until then, thank you for letting me air these weirdo fears.

Now, who will come kill this thing for me? Anyone? Hello? Why are you running away?…

The Head Ducky

(undated:):  After some trial and error (meaning he got out twice), I managed to push a plastic board under the cup and got him to the toilet. I flushed only to find out that the toilet wasn’t flushing! He just kept kinda floating…and swimming, and spinning around..

I buried him under a couple of squares of toilet paper, waited about 10

minutes. Then flushed again. Low … down he went to Davey Jones locker! Or at least the sewage system. Flushed once more, ya know.. just in case. I don’t want a surprise in the morning!

Now that this is over, it has just….made me itchy!! The sight of insects just makes me itchy. Ick and Goodnight Mr. Stingy!

THD

Okay, in a prior post I added a bit about being in town for SXSW. I thought I’d give out some more helpful hints to those coming for this Fest.

There seems to be a common question I see people sending out over the internet sites. I do not recommend asking this question. It’s “What’s the best barbeque in town? And..go!”

This is Texas. This is like asking England which is the best town, Oxford or Cambridge? Or Which Country is better, England or Ireland.

This can cause a wars to erupt. We are a laid back town, but when it comes to the important things, we are very serious. And yes, barbeque is… very… important!

There are so many options in this town for awesome barbeque. There is Salt Lick, Rudy’s, Franklins, Stubbs, County Line..( I love the sausage from Salt Lick, but the brisket from Franklins…Mmmmmm) and so many lessor known places. I recommend the following, it will save lives, save bloodloss and introduce you to some place new!

SXSW is more than just one weekend. It’s several days and chances are you will be in town for the whole thing. Take the time out for one place each day (lunch or dinner, it does not matter for the most part). Try each one. And I think you will find the same thing for you and your friends holds true for what the whole town believes. The best place depends on individual taste.( like this is a such a revelation!) Each of you will have a favorite and it may not be the same one your friends think.

And also try to find time to work in doing the same for some Tex-Mex food. Your favorite may be one of the larger places or a small family place. ( I for one love Garcia’s!) But they are out there!

One more bit of advice, our food here is rich and plentiful. Pace yourself!! It’s really easy to over do it on the food! Trust me, your tummy will be full, happy and thank me for this. (but not actually thanking me, that would be really weird!)

Right.. now that I have been all food-preachy, I will get off the soap-box and leave it over here in this corner. You know, just in case someone else needs it..

Okay, maybe I should explain that I don’t have a fireplace. See, there is a tradition that says that if you burn true bayberry candle(s) at the holidays, you will have good luck. So I have been doing that for a number of years. However this year the holder I used seems to have been plastic and not glass..which it looked like.
Now, don’t get ahead of me here…
I did keep looking over at it while I had it burning. But then at the end it melted one side of the holder. Which cause melted plastic to dribble out onto the end table. Along with the lit wick. And all that caught the table on fire… This was on Christmas Eve.
But wait!! There’s more!
This afternoon I was making a bit of egg and bacon for lunch. It was pretty much done cooking so I turned off the burner and moved the pan off to one side. I got a paper plate (you are getting ahead of me again, aren’t you?!) to begin arranging the food on. I set it down on the stove where the still hot cook surface was. It actually took about 30 seconds before I realized what I did. I got the plate up and in the trash just as the smoke detector went off.

Friends, I do not know why I keep trying to set the house on fire. Perhaps it’s just me being clumsy or me being blonde. Maybe both. I’d like to blame Government thought control. But we all know what it really is.

Aliens!!

The Head Duckie